SukaSukaKu

Bokep 3gp.? ga Jaman

2009-03-16T21:25:00.000-07:00

Buat anak -anak muda, video Bokep itu udah gak jaman ... inget efek nya kalau udah punya istri pasti makin rusak deh perasaan... Mending gunain Fantasi berlebihan kamu untuk hal yang lebih bermanfaat.. oke.. setuju bangeeet.
Jangan lupa klik link di bawah ini

Dapet Uang gratis. mau.. mau.. mau

2009-03-16T20:57:00.001-07:00

Wah nemu link baru nih untuk cari uang gratis.. tapi menjanjikan.. http://uang3miliar.blogspot.com
klik juga banner di bawah ini

Lowongan Kerja Dari Rumah

2009-03-15T05:06:00.001-07:00

I wonder... apakah benar bisa dapet uang cuma dari internetan?? ada lowongan kerja cuma dari rumah?? dengan hasil yang wow...Coba deh klik banner di bawah ini.. gak cuma dapet buanyaaak ilmu tapi duit juga booo

Klik Sekarang yaaah.....

Hot Picture and Gossip

2009-03-15T04:49:00.001-07:00

Hot gossip terpanas?? kenapa orang seneng banget sama gosip selebriti atau Foto - foto yang terpampang di internet. Misalnya Syaiful Jamil dan Kiki Fatmala yang lagi hot banget. sebenernya apa yang diinginkan yah?

Beautifull morning

2009-03-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

This is a very beautifull and sweet morning.. last night i have a fight with my girl friend.. she angry to me because i didn't picked her up after work... but this morning i allready saw her sweet smile again.. is so lovely.. Gosh i really love her.. as if i love myself..

i don't want to stay far away from her.. Cause i love her so much..... nice to see our smile my dear

Happy Sun Shine wednesday

2009-03-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

Hari yang panas untuk mengajar... Tapi kita harus selalu semangat dan semangat...

Lakukan segala sesuatunya dengan penuh cinta dan kasih sayang.. tulus, ikhlas. antusias, Kreatif hingga Tuntas. Happy lovely wednesday

Love our earth

2009-03-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

Kemarin tertanggal 9 maret 2009, terjadi hujan badai yang sangat hebat. Tepatnya sekitar pukul 13.00 sampai 15.00 hujan mulai mereda. Diyakini banjir pasti terjadi di beberapa wilayah di Bandung.
Apakah bumi sudah marah pada kita? ataukah kita sedang memperoleh hasil yang sudah kita lakukan selama ini?
Rawat bumi ini untuk masa depan, sayangi dia seperti kita menyayangi diri sendiri

Unpredicted Weather Today

2009-03-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

In recent few days, i've observed that the weather could not be predicted.
Basicly, it's all cause because of Global Warming that slightly appealing in the last few months.

What caould we do? just be prepare of massive changing. The earth continuity depends on what we do, and we will do in the future. So be prepare guys

Friendshhip often end with love but love usually ended with friendship

2009-03-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

Do you ever in love with someone? if yes allways remember to love him or her with deepest love from your heart.
Because love ussually ended with friendship

Haunting 2 foxes

2009-02-20T08:53:00.001-08:00

A student of martial arts said 2 his teacher: " i would like 2 b a
great kendo player,but i think i should also learn judo 2 richer my
skill so i can bcome d best". Then his teacher replied :" if a man
goes into a wood and starts 2 chase after 2 different foxes there will
come a time when the foxes will go their separate ways,and the man
will b left not knowing which one 2 pursue. While he is pondering d
problem,the foxes will b far away n he will have wasted both his time
n energy". Anyone who wants 2 bcome a master should choose just one
thing in which to bcome an expert.

--
Sent from my mobile device

If...

2009-02-16T06:56:00.001-08:00

If life is as easy as black and white, as simple as fast food,as
constant as the sun rise,then how boring it would be.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Mimpi seorang pendidik

2009-02-06T05:49:00.001-08:00

Rupanya begitu sulit menjadi seorang pendidik. Harus extra sabar dan
benar benar harus mengesampingkan ego. Dan yang lebih celaka lagi
adalah aku sudah keracunan. Aku ingin cuek! Terserah seperti apa
kehidupan yang akan dihadapi anak2 itu. Mimpiku pupus. Aku pikir anak2
yg hidup enak jd bs berpikir lbh jernih bertindak lbh cekatan. Tapi
salah bgt. Aku pasrah. Aku simpan mslh2 itu dalam kotak yg aku paket
in untuk tuhan. Biar beliau yg selesaikan.

--
Sent from my mobile device

How to Be Humble

2009-02-01T20:40:00.001-08:00

"In reality there is perhaps no one of our natural Passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself...For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility." - Benjamin Franklin

"It's hard to be humble," says an old country song, "when you're perfect in every way." Very few people, of course, actually think they're perfect in every way, but it can still be pretty hard to be humble, especially when you live in a society that encourages competition and individuality. Even in such a culture, however, humility is an important virtue. Learning to be humble is of paramount importance in most religions and spiritual traditions, and humility can also help you develop as a person and enjoy richer relationships with others.
Humble
Steps

1. Appreciate your talents. Being humble doesn't mean you can't feel good about you. Self-esteem is not the same as pride. Both come from a recognition of your own talents and qualities, but pride--the kind of pride that leans toward arrogance--is rooted in insecurity about yourself. Think about the abilities you have and be thankful for them.
2. Understand your limitations. No matter how talented you are, there is almost always somebody who can do something better than you can. Look to those who are better -- much better -- than you are in something to remember that you are not the best while also considering the potential for improvement. Also, even if you are the best in the world at doing one thing, there are other things--important, worthwhile things--that you cannot do, and you may never be able to do some of these things. Add to this the fact that there are a great many things that no person can do, and you can get some idea of your limitations. Recognizing your limitations does not mean abandoning your dreams, and it doesn't mean giving up on learning new things or improving your existing abilities. It does mean coming to terms with the very real limits of your abilities.
3. Recognize your own faults. We judge others because it's a lot easier than looking at our own faults. Unfortunately, it's also completely unproductive and, in many cases, harmful. Judging others causes strife in relationships, and it prevents new relationships from forming. Perhaps even worse, it prevents us from trying to improve ourselves. We make judgments about others all the time, and we often don't even realize it. As a practical exercise, try to catch yourself in the act of judging another person or group of people, and whenever you do, judge yourself instead and consider how you could improve yourself.
4. Stop comparing. Why? Because, it's just about impossible to be humble when we're striving to be the "best" or trying to be "better" than others. Instead, try describing things more objectively. Rather than saying that so and so is the best guitarist ever, say what exactly it is that you appreciate about his skills, or simply say that you like his playing style. Let go of meaningless, simplistic comparisons, and you'll be able to enjoy doing things without worrying about whether you're better or worse at them than others.
5. Appreciate the talents and qualities of others. Challenge yourself to look at others and appreciate the things they can do and, more generally, to appreciate people for who they are. Understand that everybody is different and relish the chance you have to experience different people. You will still have your personal tastes, your likes and dislikes, but train yourself to separate your opinions from your fears and you will appreciate others more--you will be humbler.
6. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Never be afraid to admit that you made a mistake. Part of being humble is understanding that you will make mistakes. Understand this, and understand that everyone else makes mistakes, and you will have a heavy burden lifted off of you. Why do we make mistakes? Because we don't know everything. Any one person can know only the smallest bits and pieces of the tremendous knowledge that has accumulated over the past. What's more, we experience only a sliver of the present, and we know nothing of the future.
7. Don't be afraid to defer to others' judgment. It's easy to acknowledge that you make mistakes and that you're not always right. Somewhat more difficult however, is the ability to acknowledge that in many cases other people--even people who disagree with you--may be right. Deferring to your spouse's wishes, to a law you don't agree with, or even, sometimes, to your child's opinion takes your recognition of your limitations to a different level. Instead of simply saying that you know that you're fallible, you take action based on that fact. Of course, if you know that a particular course of action is wrong, you shouldn't follow it. On closer inspection, though, you may realize that you don't actually know this as often as you think you do.
8. Rejuvenate your sense of wonder. Because we, as individuals, know practically nothing, you'd expect that we'd be awestruck more often than we typically are. Children have this sense of wonder, and it inspires the curiosity that makes them such keen observers and capable learners. Do you really know how your microwave works? Could you build one on your own? What about your car? Your brain? A rose? The jaded, "I've seen it all" attitude makes us feel far more important than we are. Be amazed like a child and you will not only be humbled; you will also be readier to learn.
9. Seek guidance. Contemplate moral texts and proverbs about humility. Pray for it, meditate on it, do whatever it takes to get your attention off yourself. If you're not into spirituality, consider the scientific method or vipassana. Science requires humility. It requires that you let go of your preconceived notions and judgments and understand that you don't know as much as you think you do.
10. Think about yourself under different circumstances. Much of what we give ourselves credit for is actually a product of luck. Suppose you graduate from an Ivy League university at the top of your class. You definitely deserve a lot of credit for the many hours of studying and for your perseverance. Consider though, that there is someone just as intelligent and hardworking as you who had less supportive parents, grew up in a different place, or just had the bad luck to make one wrong choice in life. That person - you, really - might be in jail now; they might be shivering in the entryway of a darkened storefront or clinging to life in a hospital bed. Or they may already have died, far from a hospital, from the very same illness for which your doctor treated you with a one-week course of antibiotics. Always remember that with a little bad luck yesterday, your whole life could be different today and, furthermore, that today could be the day your luck changes.
11. Help others. A big part of being humble is respecting others, and part of respecting others is helping them. Treat other people as equals and help them because it is the right thing to do. It's been said that when you can help others who cannot possibly help you in return, you have learned humility.

Tips

* Keep in mind that being humble has many benefits. Humility can help you be more content with your life, and it can also help you endure bad times and improve your relationships with others. It's also essential to being an effective learner. If you think you know it all, you won't be open-minded enough to seek out new knowledge. Humility is also, somewhat counter-intuitively, an excellent tool for self-development in general. After all, if you feel superior, you have no incentive to improve. Most of all, being humble allows you to be honest with yourself.

[edit] Warnings

* Pretending to be humble isn't the same as being humble, and often people who pretend to be humble do it in order to seek out praise. Other people will recognize this, and even if you fool some, you won't derive the same benefits as you would through actually developing humility.
* Similarly, don't confuse being humble with being sycophantic (being overly-praiseful of someone for your own profit). This is a common misconception, but the two attitudes are completely different.

How to Be Thankful

2009-02-01T20:37:00.000-08:00

Do you take many things in your life for granted? By looking at the world a little differently, you just might realize how much you have to be thankful for. Here's how to stop and smell the roses.

Steps

Pay attention to the people around you. You will find that everybody has something to worry or complain about, not just you. It's easy to focus on those who seem to have it all, but you never know what's going on inside. They might look happy, but they might be miserable as well. Don't look at others and think "I should have it like they do." Look at those who aren't as fortunate as you are and take note of how blessed you are. Count your blessings. If it helps, consider volunteering or start a friendship with someone who is not as fortunate and find small or gradual ways to help them.
Practice acceptance. Stop dwelling on how things should be, what could've been, and what you don't have. Recognize what you do have--whether you like it or not, it's yours to keep or to change. Accepting your lot in life is not about resigning yourself to unhappiness. It's about not wasting time wishing for what you don't have. You could try writing a list of things you want, and things you have. Consider the thought that many less fortunate people will want some of the basic things that you have.
Become a problem solver. Use your lemons to make lemonade. Get in the habit of asking yourself how you can turn the negative into a positive. The most successful people in life, and those who have the most to be grateful for, are also those who've endured tremendous trials and managed to persevere and turn it all around.
Learn to see hardship as a chance to develop character. Imagine yourself looking back ten years from now and recounting your difficult circumstances, and being proud of how you handled it and worked through it.
Develop a gratitude journal. It's pretty simple. At the end of every day, write down five things that have made you happy or appreciative that day; not necessarily big things, even small ones count.
- For example: 1) nice weather, 2) being thanked by a customer at work, 3) my pet, 4) having people who love me, 5) a funny joke or a song you like.
Take joy in the small things. Blow bubbles. Walk the dog. Get lost in the park. Goof off or watch a funny movie and have a good laugh. Life's treasures are the small pleasures; give thanks for each small gift you receive!

Tips

Avoid negative people whose social interaction consists of comparing their lives and competing for who has it worse.
Volunteering to help those in need will help put things in perspective.

Warnings

Variation is a part of life; seasons, day and night, hilltops and valleys, light and darkness.
No matter how positive and thankful you are, remember that life will always have its ups and downs. You are going to have to take the good with the bad.

How to Find Peace

2009-02-01T20:35:00.000-08:00

Steps

1. Find a quiet, special space. it can be anywhere (including outside) and get yourself comfortable.
2. Sit in a relaxed position.
3. Put your hands on your lap, or any comfortable position.
4. Close your eyes.
5. Focus carefully on your breathing.
6. Think about a long winding river and try to achieve stillness.
7. Notice how much easier it is to concentrate when you are done and how you feel much, much happier.
8. Practice this more; you will get better.

Tips

* To get ongoing access to the peace within, you will need to find a way to access the experience directly -- to live peacefully.
* The peace is lost due to our own disturbability of mind, which is due to subclinical neuroendocrine and autonomic imbalance and lack of focus and conviction. This can be rectified by namasmaran and pranayam which compliment every other measure to attain peace.
* Buddhists use this technique and may eventually achieve what they call enlightenment.

Warnings

* The experience of peace cannot be created by mental exercises or physical exertions. Sometimes they allow you to get a glimpse of the peace within.

How to Apologize

2009-02-01T20:31:00.000-08:00

We all know what an apology is; it's an expression of remorse or guilt over having said or done something that is acknowledged to be hurtful or damaging, and a request for forgiveness. But we also know it can be really hard to swallow our pride and say "I'm sorry." If you have a difficult time making amends for mistakes or repairing the effects of angry words, here's how to keep your dignity while being humble, and invite forgiveness with grace.

Steps

Be sincerely sorry. Before you can apologize for something you've done, make absolutely sure in your own heart that you really are sorry for what you've done. Often we try to apologize in an effort to appease the other person or make ourselves feel forgiven, but we can never hope to be forgiven for something we truly aren't sorry for.
Realize that what you did was not a good choice and probably hurt this person.
Realize that there are no excuses. Do not try to think of or offer one. An apology with an excuse is not an apology. Take full responsibility for what you did.
Decide when to apologize. Sometimes immediately after your mistake is best, sometimes not. The sting of a harsh word can be cooled right away with a quick apology, but other offenses might need the other person to cool down before they are willing to even listen to your next sentence. However, the sooner you apologize for your mistake, the more likely it will be viewed as an error in judgment and not a character flaw.
"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have said that."

Write your apology down. Construct a letter to the person you're apologizing to, rehearsing what you will say in person. If you don't feel comfortable with writing, then use a voice recorder. Not only will this help you remember what to say when you're face to face with them, but you can also bring the copy with you and hand it to them if you find the apology quite difficult to express. But never forget that a direct and honest apology is best. Do it face to face, if possible. A phoned, emailed or recorded apology may show a lack of sincerity and effort.
Begin the apology by naming the offense and the feelings it may have caused. Be specific about the incident so that they know exactly what you're apologizing for. Make it a point to avoid using the word "but". ("I am sorry, but..." means "I am not sorry.") Also, do not say "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry if you were offended." Be sorry for what you did! "I'm sorry you feel that way" makes it seem like you are blaming the other person, and is not a real apology. Validate their feelings or discomfort by acknowledging your transgression's (potential) effects, while taking responsiblity:
- "Boss, I'm sorry I'm late again, I know my shift started 10 minutes ago. I hope this doesn't complicate your day."
- "Dear, I'm sorry I forgot your birthday - there's no excuse. I hope you don't feel neglected, please let me set this right."
"This is an explanation, not an excuse. There is no excuse."

Make amends. Think about what caused you to make the offense. Is it because you're a little too laid back about being on time, or remembering important dates? Is it because you tend to react instantly to certain comments, without pausing to consider an alternative point of view? Is it because you are unhappy with your life, and you unknowingly take it out on others? Find the underlying problem, describe it to the person (as an explanation, not an excuse), and tell them what you intend to do to rectify that problem so that you can avoid this mistake in the future:
- "I snapped at you because I've been so stressed out with work lately, and it's selfish of me to take it out on you. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to cut down my hours to X per week. I really think it'll help me unwind, and help us spend more quality time together."
- "I've been distant and cold because I get paranoid that you're going to walk out on me because I don't have a job. But that's a terrible thing to do. Look, here's a list of things I'm going to do to find a job ASAP..."
Express your appreciation for the role that they play in your life, emphasizing that you do not want to jeopardize or damage the relationship. This is the time to briefly recount what has created and sustained the bond over time and tell loved ones that they are indeed loved. Describe what your life would be missing without their trust and their company.
Ask if they will give you another chance to make up for what you did wrong. Tell them you'd love to show them that you've learned from your mistake, and that you will take action to change and grow as a result, if they will let you. Make a clear request for forgiveness and wait for their answer. This gives the injured party the well deserved "power" in determining the outcome of the situation.
Be understanding. If an apology is not accepted, thank them for hearing you out and leave the door open if they wish to reconcile later.
- "I understand you're still upset about it, but thanks for giving me the chance to apologize. If you ever change your mind, please give me a call.
Make no excuses. If you are lucky enough for your apology to be accepted, avoid the temptation to throw in a few excuses at the end. Instead, have a transition planned out beforehand for what you can do to solidify the clean slate.
- "Let's go get some coffee and catch up. It'll be my treat. I miss knowing what you're up to."
Be patient. Remember, just because someone accepts your apology doesn't mean they've fully forgiven you. It can take time, maybe a long time, before the injured party can completely let go and fully trust you again. There is little you can do to speed this process up, but there are endless ways to bog it down. If the person is truly important to you, it's worth it to give them the time and space they need to heal.
Stick to your word. This is every bit as important as every other step. A true apology entails a resolution, and you have to carry out your promise in order for the apology to be sincere and complete. Otherwise, your apologies will lose their meaning, and trust may disappear beyond the point of no return.

Tips

One on one.

If you can, pull the person aside so that you can apologize while you're alone. Not only will this reduce the likelihood of other people influencing the person's decision, but it will also make you a little less nervous. However, if you insulted the person publicly and made him/her lose face, your apology is much more effective if done publicly.You can also write them a letter if the person you wronged won't talk to you.
Use relaxed and humble body language. Keeping your arms crossed or pointing fingers will put the other person on the defensive.
If the person is willing to talk to you about making amends, see this as an opportunity. If you've forgotten your wife's birthday, for instance, you might decide to celebrate another night and make it extra wonderful and romantic. This won't relieve you of responsibility for remembering the next important occasion, of course, but it will show that you're willing to take special time and effort.
One apology will often cause another, either from you for something else you realized you are sorry for, or from the other person because they realize the conflict was mutual. Be prepared to forgive.
A proper apology is always about the injured party. Keep your apology focused on the actual wrong done, and the recipient.
Don't keep asking if he or she is mad at you. This puts the focus back on you, and makes you sound impatient and selfish. Just as it takes time to heal, it can take time to forgive.
DO NOT apologize through a text message, e-mail, or over an instant message chat session. It's best to do this in person, or over the phone if necessary.

Warnings

Sometimes attempted apologies turn into a rehash of the same argument you wanted to amend. Be very careful not to re-argue any topics or open any old wounds.
Don't be too surprised (or suspicious) if you are forgiven. Take people at their word, just like they took your apology.
Don't apologize unless you really mean it. You can spot false apologies from a mile away, and so can others.
Even if you feel that the conflict was partly because of the other person's miscommunication, do not say so in the middle of your apology. At most, mention briefly that the other person can help you avoid misunderstandings by reminding you when you step out of line, and apologize again for the hurt you caused.
Do not talk about how bad you feel. The apology is not about your guilt, your shame, your fear of rejection, your anxiety or your loneliness while waiting to be forgiven. It is about the other person - remember that, even if it seems to be taking them a long time to forgive you.
Never assume that the injured party is "punishing" you by taking time to forgive you, but watch for warning signs that they will hold a grudge forever. If you hear the words "I'm not going to let you forget this," or "I'll be your friend again, but this will change our friendship forever," listen to your gut, and consider letting the relationship go.
NEVER think negatively about the situation. A little positive attitude can assist you in apologizing and can give you the hope of actually being forgiven.

How to Be Optimistic

2009-02-01T20:26:00.000-08:00

While being skeptical can be a healthy way to avoid getting taken advantage of, being pessimistic - that is, always assuming the worst - can have major negative consequences on your life. Seeing only the negative aspects of any situation can cause you to miss opportunities, neglect problems that need to be solved, and fail to take action that would otherwise improve your relationships and quality of life. Optimists look for the light at the end the tunnel. If you've always had a pessimistic worldview, it can be difficult to shift your focus, but it is possible to start seeing the glass as half full, not half empty.

Steps

Let go of the assumption that the world is against you, or that you were born with a gray cloud over your head. It is an assumption that has no basis in reason or science. To believe that the universe or a spiritual entity has singled you out and shifted the world order just to make your life miserable is both self-centered and illogical. Be humble and stop pretending you've got the world all figured out. Sometimes bad experiences lead to good experiences, and you can't predict the future, so you can't assume it'll always be bad.
Look for the source of your pessimism. Deep-rooted negativity can often be traced to childhood experiences, when growing minds observe their circumstances and make presumptions about how the world functions. If all you saw growing up were disappointments, betrayals and failure, it's no surprise that now it's what you expect from the world as an adult. Sometimes we pick up a flair for pessimism from a parent who made negative assumptions about the world somewhere along the line. Either way, the sooner you can attribute your pessimism to a unique set of circumstances rather than the state of the world itself, the easier it'll be to change your perspective.
Understand that the past does not equal the future. Just because you've experienced pain or disappointment in the past does not guarantee that it's all you'll experience in the future. There were many things in your past that you couldn't control, and everybody comes across unfortunate circumstances at some point in their lives - you're no exception. But there are also many things in life we can control to one degree or another, and therein lies the possibility of change. A day or week that starts badly will not necessarily end badly. Do not make a bad start turn into a self fulfilling prophecy for a bad ending.
See yourself as a cause, not an effect. You don't have to be a product or a victim of your circumstances. Stop thinking about what is happening to you and start thinking about what you can make happen. If you're not happy with the way your life is now, set goals and move on. Use your past negative experiences to build character and make better decisions, instead of letting pessimism turn you into someone who avoids risk at all costs. Sometimes it is necessary to take risks to receive rewards. Moreover, taking no action is taking an action. It is better to play to win rather than merely to avoid losing.
Accept pain, failure and disappointment as a part of life, not the entirety of it. Life involves taking many risks every day, and not all of them will end positively. That's what defines risk. But the flip side is that some actions will lead to good results, and it's generally better to have a mixed bag than to have nothing at all. Ideally, the good stuff will outweigh the bad, but you'll never reach that point unless you put yourself out there and hope for the best. When in doubt, remember Lord Alfred Tennyson's words of wisdom:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
Be thankful. Everyone has something to be grateful for. Make a list of the good things that have happened to you. If nothing instantly springs to mind, you aren't trying hard enough. The key to being an optimist is recognizing the benefits and possibilities of any situation, and understanding that it could always be worse. If all else fails, think of how life could be worse, and flip the thought process to recognize what you do have. For example: "I'm flunking out of school" can turn into "Well, at least I have a chance to go to school, and I still have time to turn my grades around." Get a notebook and a pen, and write down all the good things that you have. Every time you are feeling negative, read through them and remind yourself that it's not all bad.
Use positive affirmations. Write down short statements that remind you of what you're trying to change about the way you see the world. Put them in places where you'll see them every day, such as on your bathroom mirror, the inside of your locker, on your computer monitor, and even taped to your shower wall. Some affirmations to start with are:
- "Anything is possible."
- "I create my circumstances, my circumstances don't create me."
- "The only thing I can control is my attitude towards life."
- "I always have a choice."
Remember that life is short. When you feel pessimism clouding your judgment or you start to feel down about the future, remind yourself that every minute counts, and any time spent brooding guarantees nothing but less time to enjoy whatever life might have to offer. At its core, pessimism is impractical because it causes you to spend time dwelling on things that haven't happened yet and aren't guaranteed to happen, and it prevents you from getting things done. Pessimism breeds indecision. It's a waste of time, and time is a limited resource that you can't afford to take for granted.
Be a balanced optimist. Nobody's suggesting that you become an oblivious Pollyanna, pretending that nothing bad can or ever will happen. Doing so can lead to poor decisions and invites people to take advantage of you. Instead, be a rational optimist who takes the good with the bad, in hopes of the good ultimately outweighing the bad, and with the understanding that being pessimistic about everything accomplishes nothing. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best - the former makes you sensible, and the latter makes you an optimist.

Tips

Use quotes to remind yourself how to be optimistic. Maybe during a particularly tough day someone mentions some saying that gives you a rare boost of motivation, write it down. Here are a few inspirational saying:
- Even the longest journey begins with a single step
- Life has a way of reminding one that it can be worse
- Until one understands the low and darker side of life, the appreciation of the awe-inspiring highs will remain stagnant
- Every cloud has a silver lining
Look happy. Studies have shown that putting a positive expression on your face can actually make you feel happier and more optimistic about the future.^[1]
Practice by conveying these ideas to others. If you hear someone being pessimistic, counsel them based on these steps. Sometimes it's easier to understand a perspective if you explain it to someone else first.
No matter how odd this may sound, listen to optimistic music (that you like) and read books that have a least a little optimism in it.

Warnings

Avoid negative people. If you can't avoid them, learn how to not let them get you down.
Don't confuse pessimism with depression. Depression can make everything look worse than it is.
While it is true that you create your own circumstances, accept that the past is the past. Don't let negative circumstances trigger irrational guilt.
Realize that it's not about what happens to you, it's about how you react to what happens.

How to Cope with Loss and Pain

2009-02-01T20:25:00.000-08:00

When you lose someone or something that is very precious to you, the grief is intense. Pain, memories, and questions haunt you. You feel you will never be the same again; never really laugh, never recover, never be whole again.
However, it is possible to heal emotionally, mentally, physically and in spirit and become a compassionate, feeling, laughing human being once again. Don't allow the pain to pull you down.

Steps

Face up to the issue. Though other people around you may help you temporarily forget your pain, you'll never truly heal until you confront the situation. Ignoring the pain and not feeling it can sometimes bring serious repercussions later.
Share your feelings with others. If you can't find a friend, lean on a compassionate stranger.
Let your pain come out. Let the tears flow. It is okay to cry even if you are not the kind of person who shows your feelings.
Try and remember the good times instead of focusing on negative things.
Do something that gives you peace; gardening, cooking, fishing, listening to your favorite music, walking, drawing, painting, writing, etc.
Involve yourself with social work. When you involve yourself with other people's lives, you gain many insights to cope better.
- Volunteering to help with young children may be especially good. Their spontaneity, their laughter will soothe you.
Save things that remind you of your loved one. Just because the person is gone doesn't mean you shouldn't always remember them. It may be comforting to know that even if the person is no longer here, the friendship and family ties you have with them still exist. No one will ever be able to take that away from you, and the relationship you have with them will always be a part of you.
Remember that time heals. It doesn't cure, and it never will; but that's a good thing. We never forget those who we love.
Love yourself. If you fall (and you will fall), laugh at yourself, kick yourself in the butt and and go on.
Don't regret anything. Don't put yourself down because you didn't have the chance to say you were sorry or I love you or goodbye. You can still say it.

Tips

Life is beautiful -- it has many wonderful surprises in store for you. So go ahead and smile, visit new places, and meet new people.
You are suffering, and it's okay to take time for yourself. Though, try to seek out people who will take care of you -- perhaps seek out a support group or therapist who can help you through this time.
We all have to go through our cycle of life, death and feelings. Grieve for as long as you need to no matter what anyone says. This is your time.
At one point or another we all deal with something similar to this. Know that there are other people out there who can help you cope with this.
We are who we choose to be, it is our choices in life that ultimately decide who we are and who we will become.

TIPS to Forgive

2009-02-01T20:22:00.000-08:00

Put your best mental energies (perhaps first thing in the morning) into visualizing the new life you want. See yourself - in the future - as free of this pain and suffering.
Keep the following quotes in mind if you're finding it hard to generate positive feelings for the person:
- "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes
- "Those who are the hardest to love, need it the most."
- "Follow peace with all men, and holiness," -Hebrews 12:14."
- "As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons." -The Desiderata by Max Ehrmann
- "Hating someone is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it."

- "If we could read the secret history of our enemies we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
- "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" - The Golden Rule
- "Be kind, for all you meet, are fighting a great battle."- Philo
- "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. But whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him[a] to make him stumble." 1 John 2:9,10-The Bible
- "Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him." 1 John 3:15- The Bible
- "The hatred you're carrying is a live coal in your heart - far more damaging to yourself than to them." Lawana Blackwell, The Dowry of Miss Lydia Clark, 1999.
- "The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."
- "But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses." Mark 11:26.
- "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you" Matthew 6:14
Sometimes it helps to think of how others have forgiven under incredible circumstances. Ask friends for support and examples to motivate you toward forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a choice. When you say, "I can't forgive that person," what you're really saying is, "I'm choosing not to forgive that person." If you say it the second way instead, you'll find yourself forgiving soon.
You need to keep these four points in mind when forgiving someone:
- Do not bring up the situation up to yourself.
- Do not bring up the situation to the offender.
- Treat the offender as if it never happened.
- Do not talk about the situation to others. Caveat: If the situation is the type that could result in harm to others, you must take the necessary steps to prevent harm; e.g., notifying authorities in the case of vulnerable persons (children) or populations (patients, elderly clients in nursing homes, etc.\

Warnings

rue forgiveness is unconditional and not predicated on any act or request from the offender. The type of forgiveness discussed here is intended to free you from the impotent rage, depression, and despair that nursing a grievance causes.
True forgiveness takes time. Realize that everyone heals in their own way and in their own time. It is ok for you to take time to forgive, but you must realize that you will only be free from the bondage of hurt,despair and rage if you let it go and truly forgive the hurt that is holding back the true you.
An offender who wants reconciliation must do his or her part: offer a sincere apology, promise not to repeat the offense (or similar ones), make amends, and give it time. If you don't see repentance, understand that according forgiveness to that person is a benefit to yourself, not to the offender. However, forgiveness of this type must be applied with wisdom and discernment. Unless those who have harmed us have truly repented of whatever they have done, we need to use wisdom in avoiding repeating the hurt. This may require avoiding those who are unrepentant of the harm that they have inflicted upon us.

How to Forgive

2009-02-01T20:15:00.000-08:00

One of the hardest, thorniest and most difficult things we humans are ever called upon to do is to respond to evil with kindness, and to forgive the unforgivable. We love to read stories about people who've responded to hatred with love, but when that very thing is demanded of us personally, our default seems to be anger, angst, depression, righteousness, hatred, etc. Yet study after study shows that one of the keys to longevity and good health is to develop a habit of gratitude and let go of past hurts.

Want to live a long, happy life? Forgive the unforgivable. It really is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Your enemy may not deserve to be forgiven for all the pain and sadness and suffering purposefully inflicted on your life, but you deserve to be free of this evil. As Ann Landers often said, "hate is like an acid. It destroys the vessel in which it is stored."

Steps

Realize that the hate you feel toward your enemy does not harm him or her in the slightest. Chances are, your enemy has gone on with life and hasn't given you another thought.
Look at the situation from an eagle's eye.

Make a list of the good things that happened as a result of this awful experience. You've probably focused long enough on the bad parts of this experience. Look at the problem from a wholly new angle; look at the good side. The first item on that list may be a long time coming because you've focused on the bad for so long, but don't give up. See if you can identify 10 good things that happened specifically because of this experience.
Look for the helpers. Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) related that, as a little boy, he'd often become upset about major catastrophes in the news. His mother would tell him, "look for the helpers." In your own nightmarish experience, think back to the people who helped you. Think about their kindness and unselfishness.
Look at the bigger picture. Was someone your "good samaritan"? In this biblical story, a traveler happens upon a poor soul who was beat up on the road to Jericho and left for dead. It's a lot easier to play the part of the Good Samaritan than to be the poor soul who is left bleeding and bruised on the side of the road. Perhaps this isn't all about you. Perhaps your trial provided an opportunity for others to rise to an occasion to provide you with help and support.
Be compassionate with yourself. If you've ruminated over this problem for a long time, steering this boat into a new direction could take some time, too. As you try to make a new path out of the dark woods of this old hurt, you'll make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself. Extreme emotional pain has a profound effect on the body. Give yourself time to heal - physically and emotionally. Eat well. Rest. Focus on the natural beauty in the world.
Learn that the Aramaic word for "forgive" means literally to "untie." The fastest way to free yourself from an enemy and all associated negativity is to forgive. Untie the bindings and loose yourself from that person's ugliness. Your hatred has tied you to the person responsible for your pain. Your forgiveness enables you to start walking away from him or her and the pain.
Stop telling "the story." How many times this week did you tell "the story" about how badly you were hurt and how horribly you were wronged? How many times a day do you think about this hurt? It is a stake driven into the ground that keeps you from moving away from this hurt. Rather, forgive your enemy because it's the kindest thing you can do for your friends and family. Negativity is depressing, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
Tell "the story" from the other person's perspective. Actually imagine that you are the other person (the one who offended you) and use the word "I" when saying what that person would say. You, most likely, don't know exactly what s/he was thinking when this event unfolded but pretend that you do, and just go with the story that comes up in your head. Sit down with a friend, or maybe even the person you are trying to forgive, and tell the story as though you are that person. It is important to do this verbally and not just in your head. Realize in advance that this is not an easy exercise, but it holds great power. Just your willingness to tell the story from the offender's perspective requires a bit of forgiveness. Also, realize that this is not a contradiction to the preceding paragraph since this perspective will change your story.
Peace, peace

Retrain your thinking. When your enemy and his or her evil actions come to mind, send him or her a blessing. Wish your enemy well. Hope the best for him or her. This has two effects. One, it neutralizes that acid of hate that destroys the vessel in which it is stored. The evil we wish for another seems to have a rebound effect. The same is true for the good that we wish for another. When you make yourself able to return blessing for hatred, you'll know that you're well on the path to wholeness. The first 15 - or 150 - times you try this, the "blessing" may feel contrived, empty, and even hypocritical but keep trying. Eventually, it will become a new habit and soon thereafter, the anger and pain that has burned in your heart will evaporate, like dew before the morning sun. This technique forces your mind to overcome the cognitive dissonance between hating someone and acting with compassion toward him or her. Since there is no way to take back the kind gesture to agree with your hatred, the only thing your mind can do is change your belief about the person to match. You will begin to say to yourself, "S/he is deserving of a blessing, and indeed, must need one very much."
Maintain perspective: While the "evil" actions of your "enemy" are hurtful to you and your immediate surroundings, the rest of the world goes on unaware. Validate their meaning in your life, but never lose perspective that others are not involved and do not deserve anything to be taken out on them. Your enemy is someone else's beloved child, someone's employee, or a child's parent.

FATHER ANTHONY DE MELLO, SJ

2009-01-31T18:52:00.000-08:00

The Indian Jesuit priest, Father Anthony de Mello (1931-1987) is well known due to his numerous publications which, translated into various languages, have been widely circulated in many countries of the world, though not all of these texts were authorized by him for publication. His works, which almost always take the form of brief stories, contain some valid elements of oriental wisdom. These can be helpful in achieving self-mastery, in breaking the bonds and feelings that keep us from being free, and in approaching with serenity the various vicissitudes of life. Especially in his early writings, Father de Mello, while revealing the influence of Buddhist and Taoist spiritual currents, remained within the lines of Christian spirituality. In these books, he treats the different kinds of prayer: petition, intercession and praise, as well as contemplation of the mysteries of the life of Christ, etc.

But already in certain passages in these early works and to a greater degree in his later publications, one notices a progressive distancing from the essential contents of the Christian faith. In place of the revelation which has come in the person of Jesus Christ, he substitutes an intuition of God without form or image, to the point of speaking of God as a pure void. To see God it is enough to look directly at the world. Nothing can be said about God; the only knowing is unknowing. To pose the question of his existence is already nonsense. This radical apophaticism leads even to a denial that the Bible contains valid statements about God. The words of Scripture are indications which serve only to lead a person to silence. In other passages, the judgment on sacred religious texts, not excluding the Bible, becomes even more severe: they are said to prevent people from following their own common sense and cause them to become obtuse and cruel. Religions, including Christianity, are one of the major obstacles to the discovery of truth. This truth, however, is never defined by the author in its precise contents. For him, to think that the God of one's own religion is the only one is simply fanaticism. "God" is considered as a cosmic reality, vague and omnipresent; the personal nature of God is ignored and in practice denied.

Father de Mello demonstrates an appreciation for Jesus, of whom he declares himself to be a "disciple." But he considers Jesus as a master alongside others. The only difference from other men is that Jesus is "awake" and fully free, while others are not. Jesus is not recognized as the Son of God, but simply as the one who teaches us that all people are children of God. In addition, the author's statements on the final destiny of man give rise to perplexity. At one point, he speaks of a "dissolving" into the impersonal God, as salt dissolves in water. On various occasions, the question of destiny after death is declared to be irrelevant; only the present life should be of interest. With respect to this life, since evil is simply ignorance, there are no objective rules of morality. Good and evil are simply mental evaluations imposed upon reality.

Consistent with what has been presented, one can understand how, according to the author, any belief or profession of faith whether in God or in Christ cannot but impede one's personal access to truth. The Church, making the word of God in Holy Scripture into an idol, has ended up banishing God from the temple. She has consequently lost the authority to teach in the name of Christ.

With the present Notification, in order to protect the good of the Christian faithful, this Congregation declares that the above-mentioned positions are incompatible with the Catholic faith and can cause grave harm.

The Sovereign Pontiff John Paul II, at the Audience granted to the undersigned Cardinal Prefect, approved the present Notification, adopted in the Ordinary Session of this Congregation, and ordered its publication.

Rome, from the offices of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, June 24, 1998, the Solemnity of the Birth of John the Baptist.

Values

2009-01-31T18:48:00.000-08:00

Values are principles, qualities, or objects that a person perceives as having intrinsic worth. Every individual has a personal hierarchy of values that may include success, wealth or monetary comfort, love/companionship, a sense of accomplishment or achievement, and of course, survival. When a teacher spends time after school to help a student, he may feel he has sacrificed his own needs to the needs of the student. At the same time, he is likely to have gained something for himself—perhaps a heightened sense of self-worth or the good feelings that come with the student’s gratitude. Because values influence a person’s behaviors and choices, they are worthy of exploration.

When people possess what they value, they are contented. If they are deprived of what they value, they feel frustration or dissatisfaction. Humans, therefore, unconsciously behave in ways that move them toward what they value or away from anything counter to that value.

Beliefs support and reflect our values. For example, if Jenny believes studying harder produces better grades, she is motivated to study harder. Why? Because she also believes getting better grades is a way to achieve success. Success is something Jenny values. Through her beliefs, she has equated getting good grades with becoming successful. Is there actually a cause-effect relationship between high grades in school and success? That depends on how one defines success, but the lives of such people as Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Grandma Moses, and Thomas Edison attest to the fact that it is not always true.

It’s often easier to identify the hierarchy of a person’s values by her behavior than by what she says she values. For example, Sheila says she values higher-level thinking skills. Yet her tests rarely require students to do anything more than simple recall or recognition—skills that machine-graded multiple-choice questions can easily test.

This doesn’t mean Sheila is lying. She simply has another value of which she is unaware—perhaps time to spend with her family. Taking the time to grade essay tests that assess higher-level thinking would cut into her family time. She fails to notice that she’s not “walking her talk” because she believes a good teacher values higher-level thinking skills and Sheila perceives herself as a good teacher. Complicated, isn’t it?

Conflicted Values

Teachers become frustrated when outside pressures force them to choose one value at the expense of another.

Raymond believes students learn most effectively in a stimulating and varied classroom environment. In his ideal classroom, individual students are actively engaged in activities appropriate to their interests, abilities, and preferred cognitive processes. They are excited about learning. Creating that learning environment gives Raymond a tremendous sense of accomplishment (value 1). Because of his regard for individual students, his students like and respect him (value 2). Raymond’s beliefs and values march hand-in-hand and he feels good about himself and his job.

Along comes an in-service day. A well-known educational speaker gives a forty-five-minute talk embracing all of the behaviors in which Raymond already engages. Wow! An expert has validated his beliefs and values. Raymond is elated!

At the end of the workshop, the principal makes a brief announcement. The district has selected a battery of tests that will assess student knowledge of the standards adopted by the district. The results of the tests will influence teacher evaluations. Oh, oh! Conflict of values!

In addition to valuing a sense of accomplishment and the good will of the students, Raymond values eating and keeping a roof over his head— survival! Raymond’s focus is more on in-depth understanding than on the acquisition of testable facts. If he continues to teach in his typical way, the students may not “learn” all of the specific bits of information covered by the standards and included in the tests. Their test scores will suffer. Raymond’s evaluation will go down, negatively influencing his professional future.

On the other hand, if Raymond changes the way he’s teaching, he will lose the respect of the students. Worse, according to his belief system, he will fail to provide the most effective learning environment, so his self-concept suffers. Raymond’s sense of accomplishment disappears.

At this point, whatever decision Raymond makes must deprive him of one or more of the things he values. Is it any wonder he feels conflicted—less than satisfied with whatever decision he makes?

Teachers are often confronted with situations that threaten their sense of self-respect—an important value for most people. Many teachers have experienced similar situations that result in frustration, stress, and dissatisfaction. Understanding where these conflicts in values and beliefs lie is the first step in resolving them.

Education as Enculturation

People often speak of “cultural” or “societal” values. Society and culture are constructs—not actual entities. Society is a group of individual people. The culture of a school is the set of complex relationships among the people in the school—the students, teachers, administrators, support staff, parents, and members of the school board. Each teacher within that culture has personal values, but it’s difficult to avoid buying into values many others in the immediate environment possess.

One need only read a few of the arguments for tougher standards to recognize the values that are reinforced in the minds of school personnel and ultimately, the students.

Here is a statement from the New Jersey Mathematics Curriculum Framework: “…our students need to meet these standards in order for them to be well prepared for careers in the 21st century, and in order for our state and country to have suitable employees in the 21st century.”¹ [Author’s emphasis] No mention is made of students becoming concerned, thoughtful, and involved citizens. No mention is made of the psychological and moral development of the student. Careers and employment are the values named and thus, the values taught.

Even if a “list” of cultural values existed, each teacher would possess his or her own “take” on those values. In every action, every decision, every interaction with students, teachers are teaching values. Values are part of the learned and the implicit curriculum. Shouldn’t educators at least identify the more fundamental values they hold, and therefore, teach?

METAPHORS

2009-01-31T18:40:00.000-08:00

“Education is the kindling of a flame,
not the filling of a vessel.”~Socrates

Metaphors in “Teacher Talk”

“My classroom is a zoo!”
“I try to weave all of the concepts together.”
“Those kids are really blossoming.”
“He’s one of my top students.”
“We’re always falling behind.”

Teachers typically use such language when they talk about their work. Each of the sentences contains a metaphor. For the sake of simplicity, I plan to use the word metaphor to mean any circumstance where a person uses one conceptual category, experience, or “thing” to describe or define another conceptual category. “The essence of metaphor is understanding and experiencing one thing in terms of another.”¹

In literature classes, many of us were taught that a metaphor is a linguistic device used to add interest to speech or writing. Karl comes into the teacher’s lounge shaking his head. “My classroom is a zoo today!” If what we learned in literature is correct, Karl is simply using a figure of speech— making his description of his classroom more interesting or unique. Other teachers recognize that Karl’s classroom is probably noisy and unsettled. The “animals” may be on a rampage and difficult to control. But is this just a “figure of speech”—a linguistic device? Or do such statements spring from something much deeper—from Karl’s conceptual system?

Linguist George Lakoff and philosopher Mark Johnson² provide convincing evidence that metaphors may actually be people’s primary mode of mental operation. They argue that because the mind is “embodied”—that is, it experiences the world through the body in which it resides—people can't help but conceptualize the world in terms of bodily perceptions. Our concepts of up-down, in-out, front-back, light-dark, and warm-cold are all related to orientations and perceptions acquired through our bodily senses.

The “teacher talk” sentences at the beginning of this section contain several such metaphors. A top student represents a vertical orientation, whereas falling behind suggests a horizontal orientation.

Lakoff and Johnson suggest that the metaphors through which people conceptualize abstract concepts influence the way in which they understand them. In Metaphors We Live By, they provide several commonly used metaphors for the concept ideas. Here are some familiar expressions people use when describing ideas as food, plants, and commodities.

Ideas Are Food

What he said left a bad taste in my mouth. These are nothing but half-baked ideas, and warmed-over theories. I can’t digest all of these new ideas. I just can’t swallow that claim. That argument smells fishy. Now there’s an idea you can really sink your teeth into. That’s food for thought. We don’t need to spoon-feed our students. He devoured the book. This is the meaty part of the paper.

Ideas Are Plants

His ideas have finally come to fruition. That idea died on the vine. That’s a budding theory. It will take years for that idea to come to full flower. He views chemistry as an offshoot of physics. Mathematics has many branches. The seeds of his great ideas were planted in his youth. She has a fertile imagination. He has a barren mind.

Ideas Are Commodities

It’s important how you package your ideas. He won’t buy that. That idea just won’t sell. There is always a market for good ideas. That’s a worthless idea. He’s been a source of valuable ideas. I wouldn’t give a plugged nickel for that idea. Good ideas are currency in the intellectual marketplace.³

It should come as no surprise that humans attempt to understand vague, abstract, or complex concepts in terms of more familiar experiences. The point is that the metaphor a person selects to frame a concept/experience necessarily focuses attention on some aspects while ignoring others. Thinking of ideas as commodities focuses attention on how those ideas will be received (bought) by other people and whether they are salable. If ideas are commodities, then they must be marketable. Having an idea just for the sake of having it isn’t consistent with this metaphoric structure. You want to crank out lots of ideas and get them out the door. In the ideas-are-plants metaphor, it’s perfectly consistent to hold an idea for a while without trying to sell it. After all, plants take time to ripen and mature—to come to fruition.

Rather than having to describe a number of particular events that occurred in his classroom, Karl got his point across by saying that it was a zoo. Because people are familiar with zoos, they “get the picture.” That picture would have been quite different had Karl said, “My classroom is a beehive.” The important thing is that, under the influence of the zoo metaphor, Karl perceives student activity as negative—uncontrolled. If he employs the beehive metaphor, he might perceive that same behavior as productive—busy as bees. Thus, Karl’s unconscious metaphor directs his perceptions—and his resultant behavior.

Discussing the influence of metaphors on behavior, Lakoff and Johnson state,

“Metaphors may create realities for us, especially social realities. A metaphor may thus be a guide for future action. Such actions will, of course, fit the metaphor. This will, in turn, reinforce the power of the metaphor to make experience coherent. In this sense metaphors can be self-fulfilling prophecies.”⁴

Metaphors Create Realities

Metaphors contain within them beliefs about knowledge and the expected role of the student. John Locke described the mind at birth as a tabula rasa—an empty slate on which all knowledge must be “written” by others. Similar descriptions of teaching reflect the belief that students’ minds are empty vessels. “If I’m teaching facts and the things that the ITSB (Iowa Test of Basic Skills) teaches, then I can open her up and pour it in—just open their little heads and pour it in.”⁵

Unfortunately, many educators persist in perceiving students as receptacles for information despite extensive research demonstrating that knowledge is internally-generated. The quote at the beginning of the article suggests that, even without that research, Socrates believed education was about “drawing out” what was already within, rather than “stuffing in” as much “knowledge” as possible. In fact, the word education comes from educere—meaning “to draw out.”

Common Metaphors in Education

In recent years, educational researchers studying teacher metaphors have consistently concluded that the metaphors teachers use to describe their work profoundly affect their behavior and perceptions.Here are a couple of the more common educational metaphors.

A Lesson Is a Journey—Knowledge Is A Landscape

The word cover appears frequently in teacher talk. “I covered Newton’s Laws last week.” “We have so much material to cover before the test.” Although cover has several definitions, the primary meaning in education is that of covering ground—moving across a terrain of some kind. In this metaphor, knowledge is a landscape across which the learning journey travels. We see this reflected in teacher language, such as:

“I just went ahead...”
"Some of the students fell behind."
“If he’s lost, he’s just going to get further behind...”
“We didn’t get to that.”⁶

Concepts and principles are objects

Many teachers unconsciously perceive the concepts and principles they teach—the bits of human thought considered “essential knowledge”—as objects. Concepts and principles are objects. “Did you teach grammar?” “Yes, I taught it last year.” The knowledge objects have become “objective”—apart from the human thought processes and minds that conceived them.

In the learning is a journey metaphor, knowledge objects reside at various locations on the knowledge landscape. Teachers must move students quickly across this landscape, urging them to “pick up” the concepts until they have covered it all and arrived at their final destination—Testland. Here, teachers make sure that students possess the concepts acquired during the journey. Then it’s time to move on to the next goal—to begin coverage of the next bit of territory on the map of human thought. In this interpretation, one might think of the journey as the teacher driving a busload full of students at full speed along a predefined road to reach the destination before nightfall—the test.

The lesson is a journey metaphor can have other interpretations. If a teacher believes that learning requires students to interact with their environment, the trip becomes a journey of discovery instead of a flat-out race across the landscape of a discipline. In this interpretation of the metaphor, the teacher and students travel more or less together, along a somewhat defined route, making frequent stops along the way as students notice something of interest that they wish to explore. There are occasional interesting side trips to unexpected places. At times, groups pursue different paths and, after returning to the main road, report to the class about what they have found.

Many teachers unconsciously resist this interpretation because of the pressures of testing and school-defined curricula. (By the way, the word curriculum is also a metaphor—in Latin the word means “a race”!) Teachers feel that they’ve been hired to get the kids ready for the test and they can’t take the time for leisurely exploration. This brings us to yet another metaphor—one shared not only by teachers, but by the Western mind in general.

Time Is a Resource

Time is a resource is a metaphor that drives much of what teachers do (and don’t do) in teaching. Generally, that resource is money. Time is something that people can spend or waste, wisely invest in productive activities or squander in questionable pursuits. Thus, time becomes the cost of discovery—all this exploration on the part of the students.

Unfortunately, time is not a resource that teachers own. The traditional content of a given course or school year allots specific amounts of time to accomplish certain tasks. Time is, after all, a scarce resource. Teachers must budget that time, spending only within the limits of what they have been allotted. Wasting time on material that isn’t part of the assigned curriculum means that they will run out before they have covered all the material. Heaven forbid that time runs out before the test and the class hasn’t covered everything!

In Western culture, time is a resource is so much a part of our shared metaphor that it rarely occurs to us there might be other ways to think about our lives. People in other cultures don’t necessarily think of time as a resource.

According to Lakoff and Johnson,

“Cultures in which time is not conceptualized and institutionalized as a resource remind us that time in itself is not inherently resourcelike. There are people in the world who live their lives without even the idea of budgeting time or worrying if they are wasting it. The existence of such cultures reveals how our own culture has reified a metaphor in cultural institutions, thereby making it possible for metaphorical expressions to be true.”⁷

In Western cultures, people no longer recognize time is a resource as a metaphor. They just assume that it is true and act accordingly.

More information on common educational metaphors and the role they play in teaching can be found in Teaching In Mind: How Teacher Thinking Shapes Education.

Metaphors and Roles

One of the most important aspects of a metaphor is the roles it creates for self and others. If I am a shepherd, my students must be sheep. If I am a gardener, my students are plants. What unconscious expectations do these metaphors create in the mind of the teacher? Must the sheep be docile, feeding complacently in the pasture chosen by the teacher? Is the gardener tending a field of corn, where every plant receives the same care—or a botanical garden, where the gardener fosters the unique development of each species?

Metaphors that focus on what the teacher does rather than what the students learn cast students as passive receivers. They inhibit teacher behaviors that might encourage students to take an active role in their learning. Sadly, teachers will often condemn students for laziness or apathy when, in fact, they give the students no opportunity to assume responsibility for their learning. Examining the roles inherent in a teacher’s metaphor can provide remarkable insights on these problems.

If reforms are to succeed, teachers must actively explore these critical components of their thinking. The unconscious cognitive processes of both theorists and teachers must be brought into consciousness if there is any hope of creating a meaningful change in education.

The self disciplined child

2009-01-31T18:35:00.000-08:00

When you realize that you are increasingly setting limits, saying no, and reprimanding your child, then it is time to stop, take a close look at your child, and examine your own parenting behaviors. A child’s behavior is a symptom, a sign reflecting the state or condition of his/her normal developmental needs. To modify a particular behavior, we must first determine its cause from the point of view of the child. When children needs are met, the motivation to misbehave is reduced, and over a period of time, these youngsters become more capable of constructively directing the course of their own behavior.

The self-disciplined child evolves from an environment that meets his or her developmental needs. These physical, emotional, and social needs are described in detail by Erik Erikson and Alice Miller (see Bibliography). A home environment that best meets these needs is one that nourishes a strong sense of trust and autonomy.

Trust

From birth onward, children require interpersonal relationships that foster the development of trust. Research shows that babies who are held often and not left to cry unattended for long periods of time (defined from an infant’s point of view as 60 to 90 seconds) mature into six and seven year olds with more stable, self-controlled and resilient personalities than those who cry without being quickly comforted. (See Notes 1.and 2.) They are also more self-disciplined and less aggressively dependent. In the presence of caring adults, infants learn to trust that others will give assistance. They also gain confidence in their ability to get the attention they require.

The early development of trust depends upon a predictable environment. The young child’s world is most predictable when relationships with important adults and children are stable and enduring, and when daily life is composed of familiar routines. Routines are especially important during the most vulnerable times of day: early morning, naptimes, mealtimes and bedtime. Fatigue and hunger tend to increase a child’s sensitivity, and a regular pattern of activity can go a long way toward guiding the child smoothly through these difficult times. Children exposed to daily routines are eventually able to trust themselves to move securely through periods of the day that are physically and emotionally frustrating.

Why is it so important for infants to experience a sense of trust in their world? First, because trust enables the expression of curiosity. Early curiosities are the seeds of later intellectual interests and achievements. When infants are attracted to a toy or a pile of blocks, they want to reach out and grasp the toy or build with the blocks. As the initial curiosity wells up within them, so too does a certain tension or anxiety. The source of this anxiety is uncertainty: the child has never before grasped a toy or tried to build with blocks.

Having learned that the external world is stable and predictable, children will reach out. Their curiosity will overpower their uncertainty. Having learned the world is unsatisfying and unpredictable, they will refrain from reaching out for fear that they may be hurt or disappointed.

Their anxiety will overpower their curiosity. Parents who create a trusting social and physical environment for their child throughout the youngster’s early years are laying an emotional foundation that will enable their child to overcome uncertainty and its attendant anxieties and reach out into the world with curiosity. This foundation serves the child’s later learning and self-direction.

Secondly, a sense of trust in the world promotes self-confidence. When children experience the world as a nurturing, helpful, and predictable place, they risk reaching out to it. They evidence delight in achieving their goals. Interacting with people, nature, and things becomes an exhilarating emotional experience: an overcoming of anxiety, a satisfaction of curiosity, and a first step toward inner security.

This interaction with the world is often called play. When children are free to play in a trusting environment, both their delight and their self-confidence expand. They learn that they can successfully handle situations by themselves. In time, they become less dependent upon adults and more self-controlled.

Choice-giving

Toward the end of the first year of life, children begin to express a growing drive for autonomy. Although the earliest sign may be simply an occasional spark, now is the time to add a new dimension to the child-rearing environment: ample opportunities to exercise this emerging will in the areas of daily living.

Parental demands and requests engage young toddlers in a struggle for selfhood and inevitably elicit strong resistance. “No!” announces the toddler striving naturally for autonomy. This is a parent’s signal to stop issuing demands and begin offering choices. Rather than “Now it is time to get dressed”, try “Do you want to wear your green socks or your blue ones?” Rather than “I want you to brush your teeth”, ask “Do you want to brush your teeth with your red toothbrush or your green one?” Giving choices is a child-rearing technique in harmony with the child’s developmental need to exercise his or her budding individuality.

The need to exercise the will is extremely strong in children from about one to four years of age. They want to make up their own minds and experience a sense of independence from their parents. Making choices helps them achieve a healthy sense of themselves. So offer plenty of opportunities! Even decisions that seem trivial to you, as a parent, may be very significant to your toddler.

Choice-giving is vital for parents as well. Presenting appropriate choices can relieve you from engaging in a battle of wills with your child. Present choices that will lead toward the desired behavior. The question “Which shirt would you like to wear today, the red or the yellow one?” leads to the desired behavior of getting dressed. Also, refrain from offering too many or too frequent choices, because this can overwhelm a child and provoke resistance or a loss of interest.

To determine whether your choice-giving is experienced as effective or overwhelming by your child, ask yourself a few questions. Does your child’s response indicate that you are creating alternatives that are attractive and achievable? Does your tone of voice elicit your child’s interest? Are you willing to live with whichever option your child picks? In other words, before asking “Would you like to go to the playground or stay at home this afternoon?” check to be sure that both options are possible. Your child’s behavior will also provide clues. Is he or she eager for the opportunity to make a decision? If so, you have probably been giving reasonable choices. Does he or she seem upset or uninterested in the idea? If so, reevaluate to see if better or fewer choices would help.

Also realize that at some times choice-giving may not be possible. One day, for example, you may not be able to offer a choice for breakfast. However you can offer choices in clothing or in the sequence of activities. You can always find occasions for choice-giving in daily life.

Additional Guidelines

The following parenting skills and disciplines contribute significantly to a nurturing environment. These are neither techniques, behavioral management strategies, nor quick fixes. They are enduring processes that inspire positive behaviors in the early years. Over the course of time, skills and disciplines transfer from parent to child. As a result the child becomes his or her own disciplinary agent. The youngster gradually becomes capable of self-regulation.

Remain physically aware. It is essential to remember that children need a proper diet, sufficient rest and exercise. A youngster who has not eaten or rested adequately during the day will be more likely to act out of control. Until the age of seven or so, the body undergoes continuous cycles of growth that are often rapid and stressful. A simple breakfast, lunch, and supper cannot provide sufficient fuel to meet the physical needs of these years. To prevent misbehavior caused by the hunger and tiredness accompanying physical growth, keep nutritious snacks on hand and make sure that your child has opportunities to rest or nap each day.

Use detective skills. The successful detective looks for motivating factors. Systematically studying the unlawful act from all sides, the detective carefully develops an understanding of its purpose and then begins searching for the individual who, to satisfy personal needs, had to break the law.

Parents miss the mark when they focus attention on their child’s misbehavior. Like the detective, you must look carefully for the underlying causes. Ask yourself, “What needs motivated my child to act in this way?” Then examine the behavior from all perspectives. “Was my child tired, hungry, or bored?” “Are the developmental needs for trust and autonomy being met (from my child’s point of view)?” “Is my child receiving adequate affection, attention and recognition?” Using detective skills, you can usually uncover the frustrated developmental need(s) that gave rise to the misbehavior and thereby prevent the establishment of negative behavior patterns.

Model desirable behavior. Young children reflect the attitudes and behaviors of their parents. In fact, parental activity defines acceptable behavior for a child. Quarreling, fighting, sarcasm, disrespect, swearing, and hitting are powerful negative influences. Why do children imitate some parental behaviors and not others? Young children are primarily attracted by excited or intense behavior. It draws their attention much like a strong magnet attracts a metal pin. For example, swearing is an intense emotional act that profoundly impacts a child. The parent’s louder voice, energized feelings, and emphatic gestures draw the child’s attention. The child quickly senses that the verbal expletives and exaggerated body movements are something special, something exciting to do. Soon the child may display the same mannerisms and vocabulary. Such misbehavior upsets and embarrasses many parents. Some react by reprimanding the child for doing what is only developmentally normal – copying excited parental behaviors. Punishing or blaming a child for demonstrating these behaviors will not correct the problem. Parental self-discipline will. The well-disciplined adult produces the well-disciplined child.

Express your enthusiasm. The magnetic influence of parental excitement can be used to good purpose. For example, to encourage the enjoyment of books, you might share your own excitement while reading stories. By enthusiastically calling attention to an illustration, you can inspire your child’s interest in it. Parents who consistently show that they are interested in and excited by a valued activity also generate and sustain their child’s interest in it.

Of course, authenticity is a critical determinant for success. Going through the motions of being excited will not inspire your child’s interest. Children readily detect phony efforts.

Deal effectively with misbehavior. When misbehavior occurs, some parenting dos and don’ts can make all the difference. If a child hits someone and the parent responds by yelling or spanking, the parent’s actions demonstrate that yelling or hitting is OK. Parents who discipline by shouting or spanking sow the seeds for their child’s later adoption of these behaviors. The wise parent, on the other hand, will address the misbehavior directly in a non-threatening manner. If your child hits someone, use your detective skills, yes! But also go calmly to your child, bend down so that you are at eye level, and be sure you have your child’s attention. Then explain, calmly and seriously, “In this family, we do not hit”.

Putting It All Together

Here is how one mother used these principles with her two-and-a-half-year-old son. She was in the living room talking with a friend when her son began to interrupt their conversation. Using her detective skills, she realized that her son was needing someone to pay attention to him. She excused herself momentarily from the conversation and gathered some of his favorite toys, placing them in a corner of the room, within her range of vision. For a little while, she played with her son and conveyed her excitement in what he was doing. Once he became actively engaged in play, she returned to her conversation with her friend.

This mother could have scolded her son for interrupting, but she chose not to do so. She looked beyond the overt behavior to determine what developmental needs might have caused it. Then she creatively addressed the situation.

This approach to guiding a child’s behavior works best when it is practiced from the time of birth. When we bring wonder and enthusiasm to a child’s world from the start, then the child’s later play, learning, and behavior will reflect active, self-directed interest. But it is never too late to begin. Adopting new parenting behaviors in later years, although they may not produce immediate results, can make a tremendous difference in the long run. But do not be disappointed if at first there is resistance to the new way. The vital key to the development of a self-disciplined child is perseverance.

Self-discipline comes easily and naturally to children who are well guided. Strive to create a responsive environment that meets developmental needs—one that fosters trust and encourages autonomy. Learn to view behavior as a symptom. Ask yourself, “What good reason does my child have for that behavior?” Model desirable actions, and extend personal enthusiasm and excitement to your child’s world. When misbehaviors arise, deal with them in a straightforward way. The path to the self-disciplined child is the path forged by self-disciplined adults.

Beliefs

2009-01-31T18:32:00.000-08:00

"The real difficulty in changing the course of any enterprise lies not in developing new ideas but in escaping from the old ones."
~ John Maynard Keynes

I Know…or I Believe…?

Many of the statements made in the school environment or published in the literature are not statements of fact but rather of belief. When people use those belief statements to justify behavior, their “reasoning” may be adversely affected. What is a belief? How does it differ from a fact?

The chemical formula for water is H₂O. That is a fact—by definition and convention. Few people in the United States would question me if I stated that Chicago is west of New York. They would, however, balk if I stated that Chicago was east of New York. They accept the first statement as a fact because most people in the United States conceptualize direction in that way. Although it’s unlikely, one could also reach Chicago by traveling east from New York.

Facts are statements that from a particular perspective are part of “consensus” reality. There is little doubt connected to facts as long as one stays within a particular context. On a continuum of doubt, there is less doubt about facts than about beliefs.

Once you get past defined terms about concrete things—once the context shifts or there is the slightest bit of complexity—statements made about a situation begin to enter the realm of belief, not fact. Take the word accountability. Many people, both in and out of education, agree that both students and teachers should be held accountable for learning. Beyond that simple agreement, any further discussion about what accountability entails resembles the action on the floor of the Stock Exchange! Each person is certain that his or her perception of accountability is "correct”—a fact. Yet there is little consensus.

The more complex a situation gets—the more possible perspectives it may have and the more different people who are involved—the less likely one can state a fact about the situation on which everyone will agree. Thus, we enter the realm of beliefs.

Statements that are “facts” by definition or for which there is an overwhelming body of support and no contradictory evidence are rarely questioned. People have choices when it comes to beliefs. Failure to periodically reexamine beliefs for their validity in the light of new information leads to habitual behavior—or as Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer calls it—mindlessness. The key, then, is to identify which statements frequently used in education are facts and which are beliefs.

What Are Beliefs?

"Belief is a moral act for which the believer is to be held responsible."
~ H. A. Hodges

People use the word belief in a variety of ways. In his insightful article on the problems of researching the role of teacher beliefs, Frank Pajares(1) says:

“…Defining beliefs is at best a game of player’s choice. They travel in disguise and often under alias—attitudes, values, judgments, axioms, opinions, ideology, perceptions, conceptions, conceptual systems, preconceptions, dispositions, implicit theories, explicit theories, personal theories, internal mental processes, action strategies, rules of practice, practical principles, perspectives, repertories of understanding, and social strategy, to name but a few that can be found in the literature." (2)

Rather than debating what may or may not make something a belief rather than factual knowledge, I’ll simply define the way in which I intend to use the term. Drawing on the work of Robert Dilts (3), I’ll define beliefs as judgments and evaluations that we make about ourselves, about others, and about the world around us. Beliefs are generalizations about things such as causality or the meaning of specific actions.

One clue to distinguishing between factual knowledge and belief is how a person responds to a challenge. If someone points out that you spelled a word incorrectly, you don’t generally “defend” the misspelling. You merely change a bit of memory to “fix” the problem. When someone questions people’s beliefs, they often respond as if it were a personal threat, emotionally defending their position.

Here are a few examples of belief statements made in the educational environment.

	A quiet classroom is conducive to learning.
	Studying longer will improve a student’s score on the test.
	Grades encourage students to work harder.

Are any of these statements facts? Not if we define facts as something that is true in all contexts. There are exceptions to each of the statements.

Many beliefs about school come from teachers' experiences as students. They have formed impressions about themselves and their abilities, about the nature of knowledge, and about how "learning" takes place. Consider the young child “playing teacher.” She lines her dolls up in neat rows and stands at the front of her class “lecturing” and admonishing her students to “pay attention.” At this early age, she already has a strong sense of what school is “s’posed to be.” Is it any wonder that when she grows up and becomes a teacher, it would not occur to her to teach in any other way?

Fixed Facts, Alternative Beliefs

You can’t arbitrarily decide what time you’ll hold your class or choose to teach that 12 – 5 = 17 (at least not if you want to keep your job). By contrast, a belief represents one alternative among many rather than the one true fact or rule agreed upon by all. Because of this, people are free to choose among the alternatives.

For example, not everyone agrees that classrooms must be quiet for learning to take place. Some believe collaboration benefits learning. It’s a bit difficult to collaborate without some level of conversation. Many disagreements in education occur because people don't distinguish between facts and beliefs. Much of the "conventional wisdom" of education is, in effect, a collection of outdated beliefs that retain the power to drive the behavior of the institution.

I’m not suggesting teachers change any beliefs. What I am suggesting is that, because a teacher’s beliefs strongly influence students’ development, it is imperative for teachers to examine what those beliefs are. Are they based on solid foundations? What, if any, alternatives would be in the best interest of both the teacher and the students?

Beliefs and Perceptions

"Whatever one believes to be true either is true
or becomes true in one's mind." ~ John C. Lilly

Beliefs not only affect how people behave but what they perceive (or pay attention to) in their environment. Contrary to the old saying “seeing is believing,” it is more likely that “believing is seeing.” When people believe something is true, they perceive information supporting that belief. Beliefs alter expectations. People perceive what they expect to perceive.

If, for example, Stan believes Jamie is a “troublemaker,” he will unconsciously interpret some of Jamie’s behaviors as disruptive. Cheryl, who believes Jamie is “full of energy,” may not even notice the behavior. The same thing is true of a teacher who has no prior belief, one way or the other, about Jamie. Think of the damage teachers do when they “help out” another teacher by telling him to “Watch out for that one. He’s a real troublemaker.” Sharing facts? Hardly.

If teachers believe a program they have been told to use is based on a solid foundation, and if the program is based on beliefs similar to their own, they will notice ways in which the program works. If they believe it is a waste of time, they will notice evidence supporting that belief. It’s imperative to recognize that teachers are interpreting the same events in different ways. They unconsciously assign different meanings to the event in order to support their prior beliefs.

What Should Teachers Believe?

"One's personal predispositions are not only relevant but, in fact, stand at the core of becoming a teacher." ~ Dan Lortie

In reviewing the literature on beliefs, I came across one study in which a researcher concluded that the beliefs of pre-service teachers did, indeed, influence their teaching behaviors. This researcher then went on to suggest that, in teacher education classes, prospective teachers should be taught the correct beliefs. Where might we find such pearls of wisdom?

First, she assumes there are correct beliefs. Second, she assumes that by teaching (telling) people what they should believe, they will do so. If that were true, why are there still so many arguments about fundamental issues in education? If, after a long history of public education, educators can’t even agree on the definition of education, what hope is there that they will agree on the “correct beliefs” all teachers should hold about it?

If there is no correct set of beliefs, what might teachers gain by identifying their current beliefs? There are many benefits, including identifying sources of conflict and frustration, pinpointing beliefs based on outdated or erroneous information, and increasing behavioral flexibility. Because teachers cannot help but teach what they believe, self-reflection will help them understand how their beliefs influence the taught, learned, and implicit curriculum. Perhaps the most compelling reason for teachers to explore the beliefs that shape the topography of their inner landscape is contained in these words by Parker Palmer:

“When I do not know myself, I cannot know who my students are. I will see them through a glass darkly, in the shadows of my unexamined life—and when I cannot see them clearly, I cannot teach them well."(5)

[Note: Portions of this article were excerpted from Teaching in Mind: How Teacher Thinking Shapes Education. To learn more about the role of beliefs in limiting and enabling teacher behaviors, you may wish to order the book.]

References

1 Pajares, M. F. (1992). Teachers' Beliefs and Educational Research: Cleaning Up a Messy Construct. Review of Educational Research, V

Mindful Teaching

2009-01-31T18:23:00.000-08:00

One of the primary functions of the human brain is pattern recognition. The brain comes into existence seeking out patterns—categories—in our environment. One of the earliest bits of categorization in which a human infant engages is distinguishing between what is me and what is not me. Later, the patterns/categories are labeled in words to simplify storing and communicating distinctions.

Over time, the categorizing becomes more discriminating. She is a woman, not a man. That is a tree, not a flower. The act of creating these categories requires active participation of the mind, but once identified, people tend to go on automatic pilot. Thinking becomes habitual or, in the words of Harvard psychologist Ellen J. Langer—mindless.

In her 1989 book, Mindfulness, Langer points out that once categories are created and distinctions made, they tend to take on a life of their own. She gives the example of a man who rings your doorbell at two o'clock in the morning. The man is well-dressed, wears diamond jewelry, and there's a Rolls Royce behind him. He tells you that he's on a scavenger hunt that he really must win. He needs a piece of wood about three feet by seven feet. If you have one to give him, he'll give you $10,000. You rack your brain, willing to do whatever it takes. But the only place you can think of to get such a piece of wood is the lumberyard and it's closed at this hour. "Sorry," you say reluctantly.

The next day, while passing a construction site, you see the perfect piece of wood. It's a door that has not yet been installed. You realize that you could simply have taken your own door off the hinges and earned a quick $10,000! Langer calls this "entrapment by category."

It's easy to see why categorizing simplifies both experience and communication. Early man would have been more likely to survive once he learned to quickly distinguish between dangerous and benign objects. Asking someone to hand you a stapler is a lot simpler than saying, "Would you please give me the shiny metal object used to attach papers"?

But there is a serious downside to this process. The labels we attach to objects or people influence what we perceive. If something is dangerous, we approach it with caution. We are primed to notice—perceive—ways in which the object might harm us. If a person is friendly, we expect smiles and helpful behaviors. The important thing is that, depending on the label, people may perceive the same behavior, but interpret it in different ways. Because labels determine what we perceive and how we interpret the world, they enable some behaviors and inhibit others.

Schools are hotbeds of categorization—labeling. Honors, gifted, remedial, BD, ADD, differently-abled, overachievers, underachievers... Worse, because many educators tend to focus on what needs to be "fixed" in a student, rather than on what already works, those categories often force teachers into negative perceptions. For example, labeling a student as ADD or remedial inhibits teachers from perceiving that student as highly gifted in other areas. The category—the label—throws a spotlight on one aspect of the student and forces other, often more positive, abilities into the background.

It is imperative to recognize that these categories do not exist in the student. They exist in the mind of the person who identified a pattern of behavior in that student and gave it a name. As such, they are not absolutes—pre-existing conditions over which we have no control. Choosing to change the label we apply to someone radically changes our perceptions of that person. Are you stubborn or persistent? Is a student disruptive or filled with energy that can be directed to wonderful things?

Becoming aware of the categories you use is a first step in freeing the mind to perceive other possibilities, other strengths in our students, other ways of thinking about teaching and learning. Choosing to label the positive rather than the negative not only changes the way you perceive the situation, but the way you interpret neutral behaviors. This opens up many possibilities that you might not have noticed before.

Process

1. Think of a student who has given you problems.

2. What word or phrase would you use to characterize that student? (eg. troublemaker, undisciplined, class clown)

3. How might the characteristic(s) you've identified be labeled in a positive way? (eg. creative, energetic, clever)

4. Now, think about the student's behavior using the more positive "labels." How do your perceptions change? What possibilities occur to you that weren't there before? How might you deal with that student differently?

Isn't it amazing that simply by changing the label we assign to a person or experience, we notice such changes? Not really! It's not that the person or experience necessarily change. It's just that we perceive and interpret them differently. Even if we perceive the same information, we tend to interpret it in a (hopefully) more positive light. To this extent, we create the reality in which we live.

Remember—"If what you're doing doesn't work, do something else!" The only thing you have the power to change is yourself. By changing your own behavior, you force other people to respond to you differently. In other words, they must change if you do. Mindfully choosing the labels you apply to others is one way to create major changes in yourself and the world in which you live and work.

THE MEANING OF EDUCATION

2009-01-31T18:13:00.000-08:00

Recently, a university professor wrote a letter to the editor of the local newspaper. He commented that people shouldn't put too much weight on the recently released trends in SRA scores of the state's high school students. The professor went on to describe some of the unanswered questions about the nature and value of assessment. He mentioned that one of the problems with assessment was the ongoing disagreement on the very purpose of education.

A few days later, a scathing response was printed from a community member who questioned whether the University really wanted someone on their staff who didn't even know the purpose of education. Clearly, this person assumed that his definition of education was shared by all. What is the meaning of education?

Webster defines education as the process of educating or teaching (now that's really useful, isn't it?) Educate is further defined as "to develop the knowledge, skill, or character of..." Thus, from these definitions, we might assume that the purpose of education is to develop the knowledge, skill, or character of students. Unfortunately, this definition offers little unless we further define words such as develop, knowledge, and character.

What is meant by knowledge? Is it a body of information that exists "out there"—apart from the human thought processes that developed it? If we look at the standards and benchmarks that have been developed by many states—or at E. D. Hirsch's list of information needed for Cultural Literacy (1), we might assume this to be the definition of knowledge. However, there is considerable research leading others to believe that knowledge arises in the mind of an individual when that person interacts with an idea or experience.

This is hardly a new argument. In ancient Greece, Socrates argued that education was about drawing out what was already within the student. (As many of you know, the word education comes from the Latin e-ducere meaning "to lead out.") At the same time, the Sophists, a group of itinerant teachers, promised to give students the necessary knowledge and skills to gain positions with the city-state.

There is a dangerous tendency to assume that when people use the same words, they perceive a situation in the same way. This is rarely the case. Once one gets beyond a dictionary definition—a meaning that is often of little practical value—the meaning we assign to a word is a belief, not an absolute fact. Here are a couple of examples.

“The central task of education is to implant a will and facility for learning; it should produce not learned but learning people. The truly human society is a learning society, where grandparents, parents, and children are students together.” ~Eric Hoffer

“No one has yet realized the wealth of sympathy, the kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure.” ~Emma Goldman

“The only purpose of education is to teach a student how to live his life-by developing his mind and equipping him to deal with reality. The training he needs is theoretical, i.e., conceptual. He has to be taught to think, to understand, to integrate, to prove. He has to be taught the essentials of the knowledge discovered in the past-and he has to be equipped to acquire further knowledge by his own effort.” ~Ayn Rand

“The aim of education should be to teach us rather how to think, than what to think—rather to improve our minds, so as to enable us to think for ourselves, than to load the memory with the thoughts of other men.” ~Bill Beattie

“The one real object of education is to leave a man in the condition of continually asking questions.” ~Bishop Creighton

“The central job of schools is to maximize the capacity of each student.” ~Carol Ann Tomlinson

These quotations demonstrate the diversity of beliefs about the purpose of education. How would you complete the statement, "The purpose of education is..."? If you ask five of your fellow teachers to complete that sentence, it is likely that you'll have five different statements. Some will place the focus on knowledge, some on the teacher, and others on the student. Yet people's beliefs in the purpose of education lie at the heart of their teaching behaviors.

Despite what the letter writer might have wished, there is no definition of education that is agreed upon by all, or even most, educators. The meanings they attach to the word are complex beliefs arising from their own values and experiences. To the extent that those beliefs differ, the experience of students in today's classrooms can never be the same. Worse, many educators have never been asked to state their beliefs—or even to reflect on what they believe. At the very least, teachers owe it to their students to bring their definitions into consciousness and examine them for validity.

Kecewa

2009-01-31T02:00:00.001-08:00

Anak-anak ku sedang kecewa. Kecewa mendalam krn sdh terpendam lama.
Anak anakku tdk sadar. Mereka menjadi pemberontak. Mereka trs asik
berenang sambil trs meminum anggur kekecewaan mereka sampai mereka
mabuk dan kemudian tenggelam. Mereka salahkan ku krn aku tdk
menyelamatkan mrk. Aku berteriak,aku ulurkan tangan malah mereka
palingkan muka, mereka keraskan hati. Mau terus larut dan tenggelam
atau bangun dan kuatkan hati?

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Budaya matre

2009-01-31T01:54:00.001-08:00

Apakah anda menyadari kalau generasi saat ini adalah generasi matre?
Terlebih yang saya rasakan adalah di lingkungan sekolah,dimana siswa
merasa sudah bayar spp shg merasa berhak semau gue. Semuanya diukur
dgn parameter untung rugi,dan dinilai dgn rupiah atau point. Mau jadi
apa nanti mereka? Negara ini? Bahkan dunia ini? Mereka tidak menyadari
tdk semua bs selesai dgn uang. Tdk semua bs berjalan mulus dgn
memiliki nilai2 kognitif yg bgs. Bgmana dgn mu?

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